Thanks Colin yes "Freesia sighing in the hall" does sound better. I agrre
about the caps too. Thanks Sally J
>From: Colin Dewar <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new sub Seeds of love/Sally J
>Date: Sun, 19 Feb 2006 10:29:21 -0000
>
>Sally J,
>
>This is a nice wee poem. It feels like it's the right length and the last
>few laconic lines are a great counter point. I might add CAPS and
>punctuation to the last stanza to get the pauses right. (Plus one or two
>commas to S1 - tho' this is a matter of taste I suspect).
>
>Not so happy with:
>
>and Freesia
>>sighing perfume in the hall.
>
>The word sighing is almost good. It captures more than one dimension, but
>perhaps the line becomes heavy in the process. How about "...Freesia
>sighing in the hall." That simplifies the connection between plant and
>person.
>
>
>Colin
>
>
>
>----- Original Message ----- From: "Sally James" <[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Wednesday, February 15, 2006 8:20 AM
>Subject: new sub Seeds of love
>
>
>>Seeds of love
>>
>>There should be flowers in this house
>>Tulips erect and strong
>>or Daffodils ready to explode.
>>There should be Snowdrops in a crystal vase
>>sending winter sunlight dancing
>>through the glass.
>>There should be posies tied with ribbons
>>Carnations on the window sill and Freesia
>>sighing perfume in the hall.
>>Most of all there should be Roses
>>red exuberant, bursting forth their blooms
>>singing out undying love.
>>
>>But all I have is two packets of seeds
>>better plant them I suppose
>>who knows what the summer may bring?
>>
>>Sally James
>>
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