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Subject:

Re: New sub:/Matt

From:

Colin Dewar <[log in to unmask]>

Reply-To:

The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>

Date:

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 11:18:09 -0000

Content-Type:

text/plain

Parts/Attachments:

Parts/Attachments

text/plain (64 lines)

Matt,

This is an intriguing poem. I'm glad that you wrote it and that I had an 
opportunity to read it. It might be a matter of style but perhaps it needs 
some smoothing. Please see below for sugg's in caps. These are not 
improvements, so much as suggestions for further thought, and you'll know 
what you want.


Colin


Shirotae Cherry

He doesn't expect it to last much longer,
AND KNOWS TO BE OBJECTIVE.
It's the extremes, he explains.
IT STRESSES tender specimens-
weeks of drought then biblical rain.

And he's ready for the inevitable loss.
A double white cherry
GLOWS on the daffodil-studded grass.
When it  FADES, he'll DIG IT UP
and leave THE GARDEN FALLOW.
FOR NOW it's FRAGRANT blossom.

IN April twilight
the lawn's lightly floured with petals.
Or is it snow? EACH IS wonderful as the other.




----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Matt Merritt" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, February 17, 2006 4:54 PM
Subject: New sub:


First thing I've managed to anything like complete in ages. All suggestions
welcome...


Shirotae Cherry

He doesn't expect it to last much longer,
but years since learned to be philosophical.
It's the extremes these days, he explains.
Always stressful for tender specimens,
weeks of drought then biblical rain.

And he's ready for the inevitable loss.
Already there's a double white cherry
thriving on the daffodil-studded grass, so
when it finally goes he'll remove the roots
and leave the plot fallow a while, but for now
it's a mass of fragrant white blossom.

Leaving later in chill April twilight
the lawn's lightly floured with petals,
or is it snow, either as wonderful as the other.

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