Yes it was meant for a laugh Bob and I had thought about the But. I will
tinker with this some more and see what happens. Bw Sally J
>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: new sub Seeds of love
>Date: Sat, 18 Feb 2006 12:33:41 +0000
>
>Hi Sally,
>Interesting use of bathos here! It feels as if you're playing the last part
>for a laugh or, at least, a broad smile.
>If the word "but" were missing -or if it started something like "I have 2
>packets... etc" you'd be saying the same thing - but it might feel more
>positive and you might have opportunity to say yet more (maybe you could
>make the poem start wishing for other flowers that have particular
>significances or links to human experiences... some flowers have such
>musical names, lovely sounds, too.). Worth some work IMO.
>Bob
>
>
>>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: new sub Seeds of love
>>Date: Wed, 15 Feb 2006 08:20:46 +0000
>>
>>Seeds of love
>>
>>There should be flowers in this house
>>Tulips erect and strong
>>or Daffodils ready to explode.
>>There should be Snowdrops in a crystal vase
>>sending winter sunlight dancing
>>through the glass.
>>There should be posies tied with ribbons
>>Carnations on the window sill and Freesia
>>sighing perfume in the hall.
>>Most of all there should be Roses
>>red exuberant, bursting forth their blooms
>>singing out undying love.
>>
>>But all I have is two packets of seeds
>>better plant them I suppose
>>who knows what the summer may bring?
>>
>>Sally James
|