Dear James, a lovely poem, tense and taut like a tightrope.
Only 2 suggestions: do you need "precisely"?
And maybe if you just popped in the 2nd person 'you' in front of 'wonder'
it might make that section clearer (the way you have it suggests it might be
the tide moving away that could 'part the waves')-. Otherwise it is a very
fine poem.
Sincerely,
Gill---- Original Message -----
From: "James Bell" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, February 11, 2006 12:48 PM
Subject: New sub: you walk close to the edge
> Continuing with a current series of poems that I am valuing all your
comment
> s on very much.
>
> you walk close to the edge
>
> so dangerously close you
> do not look back or
> inward to the land but out
> over the water and fel
> its radiated cldness reinforced
> by the presure from a wind
> blowing precisely from the
> South West - there is
> no engagement with the river today
> although you are so close - thge detritus
> on the quay shows where it has been -
> it's moving away now with the tide and wonder
> if maybe you could
> part the waves like Moses
>
>
>
>
>
> bw
> James
>
>
>
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