--- Gill MCEVOY <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> from Gill McEvoy.
> Hi everyone, 
> I'd be very grateful for comments/suggestions on
> this please.
> 
> Taking Possession.
> 
> As if someone had been modelling bird-legs
> and these were the rejects
> 
> a jangle of scrawny metal legs and feet
> is thrust in my palm. They shiver
> 
> on the car seat in clank and jingle,
> their tangle of brass and steel joggling about.
> 
> I nose into the driveway, slow, unsure;
> it feels like trespassing.
> 
> But no-one comes with shotgun;
> no passers-by, suspicion in their eyes.
> 
> I'm alone on the doorstep
> 
> sorting through the bunch, key after key,
> until one at last slides in
> 
> and with slow grind and turn
> unlocks the future that lurks inside.
> 
> 
> Gill McEvoy.

Hi Gill

The only thing that jars for me is

They shiver
> 
> on the car seat in clank and jingle,

in?

it doesn't seem to quite make sense
perhaps just
they shiver
on the car seat, clink and jingle,

??

all the best
Gerald


Gerald England
New Hope International, Haiku Talk
poetry, reviews, travel photography and more
http://www.geraldengland.co.uk

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