Well er Bob trying to improve maybe just makes things worse. I must stick to 
being myself in future. It was quite a memorable thing for me that evening 
and I do like to personalise poems and yes I know what you mean about 
characterless. So much published poetry I have read recently seems like that 
now though, characterless I mean. Thanks for your opinion.  I appreciate 
this. best wishes Sally J


>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: revised poem
>Date: Tue, 3 Jan 2006 17:17:06 +0000
>
>Hi Sally,
>I don't like this as much!
>It feels sort of chqaracterless, very ordinary and not at all memorable or 
>fresh.
>I guess it feels like that because there's no person in it...
>OK I know there's laughing and coughing mentioned, and they're unusual ways 
>of describing stars and trees, but...
>... It might be that I enjoyed the initial draft so much - and I so enjoy 
>poems where two subjects are included with a kind of tension between them. 
>And the tension between writing poems and the gathering of darkness and 
>light in what we call night semed so striking, and subtle, and powerful, to 
>me.
>Bob
>
>
>>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: revised poem
>>Date: Sun, 1 Jan 2006 14:02:04 +0000
>>
>>Years End
>>
>>The sky changed colours
>>and Venus laughed like a glowing eye.
>>Roots grabbed the earth,
>>trembled frozen grass.
>>Bronchial branches coughed into the evening sky.
>>The mist of their breath wrapped
>>the dying year in a flimsy shroud.
>>The stream, a ribbon of silver bells, tied
>>the final knot, rang in the new year.
>>
>>Sally James