Thanks Bob, Hope you are well and thanks for the crits. I don't mind people
messing with my poems(I do it all the time) It gives me some insight and
have to admit your version is much better. Best wishes Sally J
>From: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: New Sub Discovering poetry
>Date: Tue, 3 Jan 2006 16:59:33 +0000
>
>Hi Sally,
>I've enjoyed reading this - though, like others, I'm not too taken by how
>it starts!
>So I'm wanting to mess a bit with it. H'm... How about:
>
>Then it happened. (A fine title!)
>
>The words bounced back.
>>It was the sunset that did it.
>>The way the sky changed colours
>>and Venus laughed like a glowing eye.
>>The trees did it too, I felt the earth move,
>>roots grab the earth, tremble frozen grass.
>>I heard bronchial branches sigh into the evening sky
>>the caw caw of a mocking crow,
>>the creak of an ancient gate opening.
>>
>>I said I wasn’t going to write again.
>Nature wrote the poem on the blank sheet of my mind
>>jolted me back Told me to get on with it.
>
>IMO It now feels fresh! The "earth move" phrase is interesting... If you
>want all the sexual connotations associated with the phrase then that's OK
>- after all there's very little said about the sexual energy of poetry
>writing. But, because that phrase isn't too original in itself, if you
>don't want a reader to think: sex, sex, sex! then it might need changing.
>And a happy new year!
>Bob
>
>
>>From: Sally James <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: New Sub Discovering poetry
>>Date: Thu, 29 Dec 2005 11:02:28 +0000
>>
>>Hello every one hope you all had a good christmas. It is very quiet on
>>here. I have been in hospital and have been taking it easy. Yesterday I
>>went for a short walk with my dogs for the first time in ages and this
>>poem was the result. Christina thanks for the email card, have tried to
>>email you but message was returned. Hope every one is well.
>>
>>Discovering poetry (again)
>>
>>
>>I said I wasn’t going to write again.
>>I was getting it all wrong.
>>So I decided.
>>Not one word would slip from my pen.
>>Not one pixel would scream on my screen.
>>I would be silent.
>>
>>Then it happened. The words bounced back.
>>It was the sunset that did it.
>>The way the sky changed colours
>>and Venus laughed like a glowing eye.
>>The trees did it too, I felt the earth move,
>>roots grab the earth, tremble frozen grass.
>>I heard bronchial branches sigh into the evening sky
>>the caw caw of a mocking crow,
>>the creak of an ancient gate opening.
>>
>>Nature wrote the poem on the blank sheet of my mind
>>jolted me back into reality.
>>
>>Told me to get on with it.
>>
>>
>>
>>Sally James
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