Hi Colin,
That's a good point too - if you're going to revisit the same subject area 
again and again (and God knows I do!), I think it probably allows you to 
leave the poems even more 'open'. There's a cumulative effect.
Matt


>From: Colin Dewar <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: Re: Walking/Matt
>Date: Wed, 25 Jan 2006 11:36:28 -0000
>
>Matt,
>
>Thanks for this. I also like the Calaya lay out and will probably switch. 
>The edge thing in poetry is a theme isn't it? At one end of the spectrum 
>you have:
>"Hey nonny nonny, the flowers are so bonny" and at the other end you have 
>poems about fathers penetrating daughters with bottles while mother holds 
>them down. I've written both, unfortunately. I don't think about that axis 
>so much now. I'm happy as long as different aspects are presented, as they 
>are in life, and the aspects don't have to be either sharp or soft.
>
>I've tried to cut back on the sign-posting, largely through contact with 
>this group. It does give me some difficulties as the things I like to write 
>about are fairly obscure in the first place. I'm interested in the 
>phenomenology of ideas and if you have a complex idea in an understated 
>poem then the readers really got to be on your side to make anything of it. 
>The way I see it, this means I have to work harder on my metaphors.
>
>As for the reader making of a poem what they will, I have no problem with 
>that as long as there is some point of contact. For me poetry is valable 
>because it allows a point of contact between people who may never meet, eg 
>because one's dead already. If I get the impression that an ideas not 
>coming through then I'm happy if there's any contact at all. The idea can 
>be revisited in another poem.
>
>
>Colin
>
>
>----- Original Message ----- From: "Matt Merritt" 
><[log in to unmask]>
>To: <[log in to unmask]>
>Sent: Tuesday, January 24, 2006 11:26 PM
>Subject: Re: Walking
>
>
>Hi Colin,
>I liked this poem, and I'd go along with the first layout suggested by
>Calaya.
>I can't really agree with what James says about "edge" though. I think
>there's a big danger that in trying too hard to introduce it into a poem 
>you
>end up telling the reader what to think, and signposting a "message" too
>much. One of the reasons this poem appealed to me is that it is really
>pretty open for the reader to make of it what they will - there's plenty of
>edge there below the surface.
>Regards,
>Matt
>
>
>>From: calaya <[log in to unmask]>
>>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>>To: [log in to unmask]
>>Subject: Re: Walking
>>Date: Mon, 23 Jan 2006 13:34:55 -0800
>>
>>Hello, Colin,
>>   I really like this poem.  Of course, what I hear & see may not be what 
>>you mean, but:
>>
>>   I hear an adult with a youth, asking how much time they'll have (until 
>>your shoulder is too high to hold-?)  and hopes that the youth will learn 
>>to: "see what's there in every space/you come to, before you change it."
>>
>>I see waters reflect hopes for a "familiar self," a sky & moon that 
>>reflects impermanence; I hear a hope that the youth, no matter what 
>>influences come, will know and hold true to thier familiar self and...hold 
>>true to thier memories.
>>
>>   Well, even if you mean something entirely different, I've a few Nits:
>>   you might want to drop a comma into the first L, after quiet. (To slow 
>>the pace to more-match that lasting moment. ) And, to keep that pace, 
>>additional S breaks after "sends it away? after "hare or roe deer" and 
>>after "come to other people." ?? Like:
>>
>>   Because we are quiet, the moment lasts.
>>The sun outside the spruce lights the roe,
>>before a footstep in the clearing sends it away.
>>
>>How much time until your shoulder is too high to hold -
>>to ask that you see what's there in every space
>>you come to, before you change it?
>>
>>When you look for it you find your familiar self
>>in the black mirror of the lochan,
>>not any self felt by hare or roe deer.
>>
>>Clouds come and go, make what they will of this temporary moon.
>>Water lies stilled as memory,
>>as when you come to other people
>>
>>they appear as you recall
>>from every room you've known.
>>
>>   ____Or the last 2 S as:
>>
>>   Clouds come and go, make what they will
>>   of this temporary moon.
>>Water lies stilled as memory,
>>
>>as when you come to other people
>>they appear as you recall
>>from every room you've known.   ??
>>
>>   **** hope any on this helps. I really enjoyed the read.
>>   thanks, calaya
>>   *****
>>   Colin wrote:
>>Because we are quiet the moment lasts.
>>The sun outside the spruce lights the roe,
>>before a footstep in the clearing sends it away.
>>How much time until your shoulder is too high to hold -
>>to ask that you see what's there in every space
>>you come to, before you change it?
>>
>>When you look for it you find your familiar self
>>in the black mirror of the lochan,
>>not any self felt by hare or roe deer.
>>Clouds come and go, make what they will of this temporary moon.
>>Water lies stilled as memory,
>>as when you come to other people
>>they appear as you recall
>>from every room you've known.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>---------------------------------
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