Good description of that clumsy foreigner feeling
Not sure your need 'unfocused' and 'not thinking'
First line a bit clumsy - I guess you are trying hard to let the reader know
that, up to now you have had to forego things you don't have the words for,
but I think they would get it if you put it less forcefully - how about 'I'm
going to get what I need'?
as hard
as anything so small
Nice ending.
Terri )O(
-----Original Message-----
From: The Pennine Poetry Works [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf
Of Bob Cooper
Sent: 05 August 2005 20:47
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: new Sub: The Cleanest Start
Here's one for some comments, crits, conversation...
There's some words in the piece that are Czech... (they'd probably appear in
italics if my e-mail could cope with italics!)
The Cleanest Start
I am going to get something I want.
Walk straight past the Fruit & Veg,
the milk, beers, wines in the cabinet,
the shoe laces, batteries, and all I’ve bought
because I’ve seen them on a UK shelf
then, unfocused, reply, dobré ráno
while not thinking, good morning,
hand it over to be scanned
hear – not look for – the price of it,
count out the exact cost,
say diky, not thanks, with a smile
so familiar I’ll get used to it again,
the soap bumping in my pocket
all day as lightweight, as hard
as anything so small should feel.
Bob Cooper
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