yes, Douglas, that is exactly the technical problem, I was round my mate
Colin's early last night, at one point I was humming the tune of the poem,
but it doesn't quite fit with the iambic drift of the English sonnet. Colin
said to me: you're bored - you always do that when you're fed up. No, I
said, I am just thinking about this poem. Col went into the kitchen to do a
coffee and I bawled after him: you don't know what I'm talking about do you?
No, he confessed.
Thanks for the appreciation of Eden, not a bad bit of stuff I suppose myself
( I am my own harshest critic)
Best
Dave
----- Original Message -----
From: "Douglas Barbour" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, November 30, 2005 4:20 PM
Subject: Re: Twa pomes
No denial, Dave.
I enjoy the first, but keep hearing the tune not quite in line in some
lines..., so want that somehow clearer...\
'Eden' works, that glance -- off (stage).
Doug
On 30-Nov-05, at 3:50 AM, David Bircumshaw wrote:
> Of these the first is imperfect, partly because its foolhardy attempt
> to simultaneously parody sonnet form and 'These are just some of our
> favourite things'. Suggestions welcome.
>
> The second, slight as it is, I think is there. Denials welcome.
>
>
> Sonnet CCV
>
> Clopoxil, modicote, nicotine and mogadon,
> Brandy and coke with High H in your tea
> Rough cider in the bathtub for removal of rings
> (Blow Mex on the side how perfectly paranoid)
> These are just some of our favourite things
> Trafficking monoxide's carbon cheap suicide
> Unlike our brown water we get it for free
> La-de-da-de-dah-dah-dee-dah-da-de
>
> Our conductor's redundant (a thought with no train)
> Your piano's had a breakdown my banjo's unstrung
> Her tuba's a toilet and all sonnets' got form
> Just pull me another one these legs come with me
> Tamazipan, diazapam and what's on the box
> Tarzan was a spaceman oh life's on the rocks
>
>
>
> 11
> Eden
>
> Short sight and long. The blessings of blur. A movement of leaves.
> Someone might be there.
>
>
> Best
>
> Dave
>
>
Douglas Barbour
11655 - 72 Avenue NW
Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9
(780) 436 3320
Shakespeare
Drag yr mouldy old bones
Up these stairs & tell me
What you died of,
I think
I’ve got it
Too.
Sharon Thesen
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