When does an extremely late snap become an early one?
So it ended up Poet futures
What's Juvie??
Thanks P love P
Ps glad it all turned out well
-----Original Message-----
From: Poetryetc provides a venue for a dialogue relating to poetry and
poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Heather Taylor
Sent: 12 November 2005 01:29
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Another extremely late snap
As Andrew was so late, I thought you'd forgive another one...
Summertime
Over old maid and crazy eight, we'd spend nights
whispering lawyer/doctor/Hollywood futures,
pretending to ignore the boy next door
fresh from Juvie and blowing us kisses.
Years later, friend's parents richer than ours,
we'd spend summer nights with those strangers
tasting fenced backyards, deluxe BBQs
and 3 car garage Range Rover families.
We'd never speak about the girls we were:
Our summer vacations confined to shared backsteps,
us left playing card games past mosquito thresholds
under rows of porch lights strung like patio lanterns.
-----Original Message-----
From: Poetryetc provides a venue for a dialogue relating to poetry and
poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Andrew Burke
Sent: 12 November 2005 00:59
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: extremely late snap
Thanks, Fred. Yes, it was a poetry workshop yesterday afternoon at a
live-in
detox centre out of town for mums. The boy was four and quiet but
mischievous. I could see him playing with word cards on the floor, then
rolling himself up with them spilling out of the rug - a really good
image
of making a poem! The ladies were not so inventive. I wanted to get down
there on the floor with him and play with words - but ya carn't do dat,
can
ya!
Thanks for your suggestions. I will certainly look at them, and
particularly
bring the 'myself' up onto the line before. 'Stagy' would be awful to
be!
:-)
If I could only export this day in Perth to you all, you'd enjoy it:
only a
breeze in the highest limbs of the gum trees and a gentle sun bathing
the
suburb in light. Three ducks on the verge having waddled up from the
river.
Not a sound at the moment (we live at the end of a cul de sac) and all
the
kids must be sleeping in. & the dogs are asleep in the sunshine and the
birds have stopped their early morning tweeting. Bewdiful day.
Andrew
----- Original Message -----
From: "Frederick Pollack" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, November 12, 2005 8:12 AM
Subject: Re: extremely late snap
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Andrew Burke" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Friday, November 11, 2005 7:25 PM
> Subject: extremely late snap
>
>
> she gave me lip
> and when I gave her lip back
> she gave me
>
> breakfast
> bacon and eggs
> (the oysters of the suburbs
>
> ((out of statement
> into light
> weeds grow
> over his defence)) )
>
> *
>
> ... as you drive out
> West Swan Road
> you'll see flowers stall
> and strawberries ripen
>
> *
>
> the bored boy
> shuffles the word cards
> on the floor
>
> and rolls himself
> up in the rug ...
> this is poetry,
> I tell them
>
> the kid's got it right
>
> *
>
> the prettiest girl
> in the tightest jeans
> gets my attention
>
> 'form and content'
> I tell them, not
> content at all
> myself
>
> Love it. Really needs a title. "them" in last stanza is apparently a
> class - but why make reader hesitate over a minor point? Say "I tell
the
> class." And "myself" as isolated line feels stagy - wouldn't lose by
having
> it follow "all." --- "flowers stall" marvelous. Jolly depressed poem.
>
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