Hi Janet,
> Today's experiment - you might enjoy (or not!).
> Not sure yet whether I'm taking this too far, or not far enough,
> with the codelike form and alternative spelling.
I'd vote "not far enough" ;)
I like the syntax and the SMS-style spelling which I think you could well push further -- why "yu" when it could just be "u"? Why "intu/whu/yu" when nothing else is respelled? But I also think there's a kind of coy quality here you could leave behind. Some of the inventions come off as a concealment rather than an essential way of saying the thing. "Slipsneaking," "skin and phone" strike me perhaps as being "clever" phrases sidestepping (or even slipsneaking ;)) the thing at hand. (That might sound harsher than I mean it...)
I've seen this kind of thing pulled off, but to be succesful I think you have to do it very seriously. A Norwegian poet recently published a long science fiction poem "Solaris Corrected" in which he invented a new language as a beautiful amalgam of SMS, English, and Norwegian (not even Norwegian, really, but phonetic spelling of his dialect which is very specific to his part of the coutry). "SOMTIIMS ven aig ne svefndrauma kan, aig draumen ein simpl, silly draum..."
A succesful experiment is one that teaches you something. So this is a good experiment; keep digging.
--Knut
>
> if
> I
> extend
> beyond skin and phone, sweat and paper, breath and screen
> slipsneaking thru the web and layers and intu
> yu /*a piece of me in yu*/
> then
> I contain a piece, a peace, of
> yu /*all */
> /*yu whu */
> /*have reached me*/
> Will cradle them; will keep them safe
>
> Janet
> ------------------------------------------------------
> Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]>
> Poems at Proximity:
> http://www.arach.net.au/~huxtable/janet/proximity.html
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
|