Ode to Agent Eighty-six
The schoolbus almost stops &
Literacy¹s uniformed supplicants
leap to the footpath, as big brother drives home
from the 8 am shift in time for toast and tinnies.
Surfers rush in from the sea, screen doors slam.
The TV switches on, the dial clicks to 7
a dot swells to a blue screen & colours: the grey
Washington sky settles over a city of monuments
and intrigue. A red convertible pulls up as it has
every weekday for fifteen years and Agent 86‹
Maxwell Smart‹jumps out, makes a call in a phonebooth
drops underground walks through a hall of
opening and slamming doors into the heart of Control.
After his tie and jacket are chewed up by the Univac
computer‹Sorry about that‹ Max insists
the Chief use the Cone of Silence
to discuss issues of national security.
Later in the day, standing at a newspaper stand
his shoe rings and he answers it but noticing
suspicious activity...ŒI¹ll call you later, Chief,¹
he says to the shoe and exchanges information
with an agent stationed inside a mailbox. Now he¹s
driving beyond the city limits to a recently built
Control ghost town where two robots
battle for good and evil control and kaos
while in the city¹s seamy underbelly
a man-ape slips off Radio Tower
emitting a recorded Tarzan call.
Sunset: a meeting with the enemy
to ensure Kaos and Control¹s mutual survival so
they can go on fighting each other. There¹s sexy,
sultry Agent 99 who loves and wants to marry Max
and each time the game is up, (water rising,
walls and spikes closing in) they nearly kiss
but Escape or Rescue stupidly intervene
and their love is kept on hold until the last series.
ŒIf only he¹d used his genius for goodness
instead of evil¹, Max shakes his head the umpteenth
time at another vanquished villain the Chief
and Laraby book and escort to headquarters.
The credits come down, Smart walks into a door.
Go Max go! the afternoon viewers cheer
from loungerooms in the Free World¹s suburbs
he helps keep free with laughter
S. K. KELEN
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