Thanks & I don't know!
My camera was jammed all week, or so it seemed, though this one had lodged
and taken a while announcing itself
It announced itself on a train full of people using squeaky toys; though
fortunately I had not gone into the quiet carriage so it wasn't as bad as it
might have been. But it was difficult to write
Some hours later I looked again, noticed a serious flaw - cant be bothered
with the camera metaphor - rewrote etc etc
Not much different at the end from the beginning in percentage terms
I really wasn't happy with the last line for all sorts of reasons - "face of
death"?! tut tut - but thought it best to send it as it was as my midnight
came up
It didnt occur to me that I had become abstract. It felt concrete. I could
ramble on about that mechanism, but might be better (apart from the boredom
factor) to consider it quietly. If i talk and tease it out, it'll unravel.
But it is to do with shifting perspectives, kind of "see that? look again"
possibly within the same person - it accompanied a meditation on the way the
cowardy cautious inexperienced young cat on the corner has yet learned to
set dogs up for a claws out punch on the nose; but that aspect never made it
to the page apart from the antepenultimate line, which is a late
substitution. It may need a comma after _child_
It did pass through my mind that I kind of echoed arendt on evil without
perhaps doing anything with it
Not keen to cut the line as line because it'll unbalance the poem It's
unfinished without
Jumping with you, I'm really unsure about emphasising anything that doesn't
come out of the poem itself I am finding too much trouble sorting things
out. Woke switching the radio on to get more news of the south coastal
u.s. - first thing i heard was _this is our tsunami_ and turned off!
Writing this, I find the line is making something of a case for itself.
You went straight to what I too would see as its main weakness or did see as
that yesterday. I shall be working on it whilst walking in to shop etc...
all best
L
|
