SB, thanks for newly returning me to the truncated version of "Bamboo" that Joanna Boulter had suggested.
Again, I've a question for you and any others who'd wanna jump into the game: Is there more power in less "backstory" (i.e., the first few stanzas I chopped off)?
And I can see, SB, that killing the pome's last line MIGHT strengthen the context, hence the entire pome. My striving's toward the sensual/spiritual, so it wouldn't have occurred to me to drop that image. And I'm weighing whether more power's in dropping the last line . . . .
Judy
----Original Message -----
From: "SB" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, June 29, 2005 1:40 PM
Subject: Re: the new Bamboo
i think it is a great improvement, and would suggest one more
brutality: drop the last line.
On 6/25/05, judy prince <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> bamboo flute
> the muse
>
>
> my mouth was all wrong
> fingers short of the holes
>
> winter debated spring this year
> spring the louder surprise
> and I thought of the bamboo flute
> I thought of you patient you
>
> I fit my fingers
> round your clear core
> filled your body with my breathing
> and moved with your Music
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Judy Prince
> second foul paper
> 6.25.05
>
> NOTE TO JOANNA: I've purposely chosen not to "think" about what I just did. Anybody out there in petc-land wanna tender an opinion about the new "Bamboo"? Is it better than the first? Can it be improved? How?
>
> Thanks,
>
> Judy
>
--
~ SB =^..^=
http://www.sbpoet.com
http://sb.chatango.com/
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