THANKS FOR YOUR VERY NECESSARY SPECIFIC EXPLANATION, FRANK. SEE MY INSERTED
CAPS BELOW:
----- Original Message -----
From: "Frank Parker" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, June 25, 2005 12:44 PM
Subject: Re: bamboo flute, the muse
>> my mouth was all wrong
>> fingers short of the holes
>> too much for me
>> so hollow we
~~~~FRANK, THE PRECEDING LINE IS INTENDED TO MEAN: "WE ARE SO
HOLLOW."~~~~~~~~
>
>> Frank, do you mean kill the following sentence and/or the following
> stanza?
>
>> winter debated spring this year
~~~~AND THE PRECEDING LINE IS INTENDED TO MEAN EXACTLY WHAT IT SAYS:
"WINTER DEBATED SPRING THIS YEAR."~~~~ NOW JUMP DOWN TO NEARLY THE BOTTOM OF
YOUR MESSAGE.
>> spring the louder surprise
>> and I thought of the bamboo flute
>> I thought of you patient you
>
> Very simple, look at the syntax, if you wrote the last line of stanza 4
> and
> the first line of stanza 5 as a sentence it is very awkward:
> "so hollow we winter debated spring this year". I mean, what is that? I
> doubt you speak this way. The rest of the poem is in an everyday
> vernacular
> then suddenly there's that shift between 4 and 5. It's up to you just what
> to do. The solution might be as simple as dropping the last line of stanza
> 4
> and the first line of stanza 5.
>
> As for the title, drop "the muse".
~~~~CAN'T DROP "THE MUSE"---AND THAT'S FOR AN ENTIRELY NON-POETICS
REASON.~~~~
HOPE YOUR FLUTE-FLIGHTS ARE AS RICH AND REWARDING AS MY PIANO-PLAYINGS,
FRANK!
BEST TO YOU,
JUDY
>
> ***************************
> Frank Parker
> [log in to unmask]
> http://frankshome.org
>
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