Aha! THANKS, FRANK! At last we have the "poetics" part of petc! Can I write a sentence in this 'graph that doesn't end with an exclamation point? (Merci, you ever-attentive Punctuation Goddess!!!! ;-))
Bring your eyeballs on down to the now-to-be-interspersed pome, Frank, because I MAY be unsure what your second point's tryna tell me:
----- Original Message -----
From: "Frank Parker" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Saturday, June 25, 2005 9:56 AM
Subject: Re: bamboo flute, the muse
> Judy -
>
> Thanks for the chance to see/read a poem of yours (sans all the flurry and
> hustle of late).
> I'm wondering about just a couple of points if I may comment:
> 1. Since the bamboo flute is the metaphor of the poem, i.e., carrying the
> burden of the work, the title seems redundant to me. I know the flute is the
> muse in this case, the poem makes the statement very clearly.
> 2. The shift in language between the end of stanza 4 and the beginning of
> stanza 5 is very different from the plain speech pattern used in the rest of
> the poem; a sudden affectation that's grabbing attention away from the rest
> of your poem, in my opinion. Smoothed out or cut all together, I don't think
> the poem will suffer a bit.
> Again, thank you for sharing your poem. It made me eye my own bamboo flute
> up on the bookcase gathering some dust. Think I'll brush it off and play a
> few notes.
>
> Frank
>
> ***************************
> Frank Parker
> [log in to unmask]
> http://frankshome.org
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "judy prince" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Friday, June 24, 2005 10:57 PM
> Subject: poem: bamboo flute, the muse
>
>
> bamboo flute
> the muse
>
>
> it stood for years
> against the wall
> beside the couch
> out of sight
>
> I'd bought it for comfort
> its creator showing me
> how to coax deep sound out
>
> once home though
> it had no voice
> only whistling
> and airy puffing
>
> my mouth was all wrong
> fingers short of the holes
> too much for me
> so hollow we
> Frank, do you mean kill the following sentence and/or the following stanza?
> winter debated spring this year
> spring the louder surprise
> and I thought of the bamboo flute
> I thought of you patient you
>
> I fit my fingers
> round your clear core
> filled your body with my breathing
> and moved with your Music
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> Judy Prince
> 6.25.05
>
Lemme ask others out there for their thoughts on that point, also, Frank. Oh God I love a good pome brain-tussle! After it, mebbe I'll scratch my way back to careful thought.
Oh, re the title? Once before a friend said I needed to re-title for the same reason, but, apparently, I didn't "get" that point, except intellectually. Again, maybe you or others can help me with that issue---p'raps with examples of your own work.
DO YOU SEE ME SMILING?! ;-)
All happy thanks to you, Frank, and to any other poeticizing Members of This Group Called Poetryetc (i.e., petcies).
Judy signing off with some lately-discovered quotes from a fellow Norfolk poetry group person. We all meet in the backroom of Bibliophile Book Store on Bute Street, read our pomes, drink wine, riff, poetics-ize and LAFF!
~~~~~
"Generals cry more in public than Privates."
"No one talks to a guy playing a harp."
"If I die during a crossword puzzle I am allowed to finish it."
"I can't read my library card."
"I so rarely fuck up Jell-O."
"Bathroom attendants should also palm read."
"No porno features director's commentary."
"Hitchhikers and rumble seats make sense."
"I would pay to see juggling added to Spelling Bees."
"Southern hospitality has ten years left."
"Poets do it with extended metaphor."
"No climber mounting Everest starts from the bottom."
(quotes above by Jeff Hecker, Norfolk, VA, U.S.A.)
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