Thanks for the tips, boys. It was only a squib, but - I like the rhythms
somewhat jerky sometimes. The 3rd line is not an alexandrine, Marcus,
which has 12 syllables (La fille de Minos et de Pasiphaé); I wanted an
irregular syllabic line to follow the 2nd line, which has 11 syllables
with a feminine ending but is sort of pentametric. In fact, you could
say that line 3 begins with a cretic foot & then just drifts off in a
throwaway iambic fashion. Regularity is good for one's digestion, but
otherwise...I have nothing more to say, anyway -
mj
Marcus Bales wrote:
>On 30 Apr 2005 at 12:18, Robin Hamilton wrote:
>
>
>>>please delete, as I have nothing more to say.
>>>
>>>
>>I think there's a syllable too few here for the rhythm -- "Then please
>>delete ... ", "Do please delete ... " -- neither of those is quite
>>right either, but my ear still isn't entirely happy with your original
>>line.
>>
>>
>
>I think it's an alexandrine -- one too many syllables for the
>pentameter, not one too few. The only way I hear it as pentameter is
>reading it with a trough of three consecutive unaccented syllables at
>"as I have".
>
>How about making -ete the prior rhyme word and working in tetrameter:
>
>... please delete
>As I have nothing more to say.
>
>Or using -ese as the rhyme word to get to pentameter:
>
>... please
>Delete, as I have nothing more to say.
>
>Marcus
>
>
>
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