On 23/3/05 10:36 PM, "Dominic Fox" <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I'm afraid "it can toss / us off at a whim" has *quite* the wrong
> connotations for me...
The same connotations for me, I'm afraid, especially so close to the
"spasm". But I like the scansions; they generally work for me. Personally,
I'd be inclined to put a shorter word for "community" in line 3; that
beginning iamb doesn't do it for me, especially when followed by "calendar"
(calendar would actually begin the line better). And on the controversial
"toss" line, there's something slightly amiss in the rhythm - around the run
on "surface / pretending". But these are very minor things.
Best
A
Alison Croggon
Blog: http://theatrenotes.blogspot.com
Editor, Masthead: http://masthead.net.au
Home page: http://alisoncroggon.com
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