I like it, and prefer it to the previous version, which I already liked...
Anny Ballardini
http://annyballardini.blogspot.com
http://www.fieralingue.it/modules.php?name=poetshome
The aim of the poet is to awaken emotions in the soul, not to gather
admirers.
Stalker, Andrei Tarkovsky
----- Original Message -----
From: "Sharon Brogan" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, January 17, 2005 12:11 AM
Subject: Re: snapshot Wed 12 Jan, & other people's snaps esp . . . Sharon
> Well, after I sent it off, and after I posted it on my weblog, I
> revised many times -- trying to find its form. Finally it looks like
> this (I didn't send revisions to the list, thinking it took too long
> to still be a "snapshot" -- and broke the blogging rules by changing
> the one posted there. Oh well) -- here it is again:
>
> Snapshot 12 January 02005
>
> wednesday again
> winter storm
> warning
>
> raccoon tracks
> around
> the frozen pond
>
> fish deeply
> sleeping still
> insomnia
>
> squires me
> long lit
> nights & short
>
> dim days
> pressed warm
> against me
>
> this dog's
> paws twitch
> & busy
>
> in the garden
> one tailless
> squirrel
>
> sparrows
> pine siskins
> black-capped
>
> chickadees
> piliated
> woodpecker
>
> raven boasting
> from atop
> the tallest
>
> spruce ice
> on tree
> limbs ice
>
> on mine
> sleep
> a clumsy
>
> skate
> on thick
> rippled
>
> surfaces
> and now
> the snow
>
> --
> Sharon Brogan
> http://www.sbpoet.com
>
> On Thu, 13 Jan 2005 16:26:48 +0800, Janet Jackson
> <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > Thanks Sharon and Anny. It's good to get a response (of any kind).
> > I'm getting better at writing t
>
> o order (rather than waiting for
> > the muse to strike) - doing the snapshots is helping.
> >
> > Other people's snaps so far:
> >
> >
> > Sharon Brogan (winter) - I do like this one, the language of it, but
> > I'm getting the urge to put in some punctuation or change the line
endings
> > so it's easier to read. But that would destroy the poem's rather
definite
> > form. It becomes clearer with multiple readings.
> > But "ice/ on the tree limbs ice/ on mine sleep/ a clumsy skate":
> > Are we to read, "ice on the tree limbs, ice on mine, sleep a clumsy
skate"
> > or "ice on the tree limbs, ice on mine, sleep, a clumsy skate"
> > or "ice on the tree limbs, ice on mine sleep, a clumsy skate"?
> > Initially I read it the third way and thought, that doesn't sound right!
> > Now I think it's either the first way (in which case some punctuation
> > might help) or Sharon is for whatever reason trying to be ambiguous.
>
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