Roger Collett wrote:
> Please accept with no obligation, implicit or explicit, my best wishes
> for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
> non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice
> holiday, practised within the most enjoyable traditions of the
> religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with total
> respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of
> others, and their choice not to practise religious or secular
> traditions at all... and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling
> and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally
> accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the
> calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society
> have helped make Britain great (not to imply that Britain is
> necessarily greater than any other country nor is it the only
> "BRITAIN" in the northern hemisphere), and without regard to the race,
> creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, sexual
> orientation and choice of computer platform of the wishee.
> By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This
> greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
> transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies
> no promise by the wishee actually to implement any of the wishes for
> her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is
> revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher.
> This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual
> application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the
> issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and
> warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new
> wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.
We acknowledge and profoundly appreciate your greeting and the time you
took to prepare it. However, since we are like your press we are
unprepared to accept unsolicited greetings. In this case, our stricture
is against non-Americans whose thoughts may be subversively penetrating
our borders with the heresies of traditional free thought. Thus, we
must refuse them until such time as we are able to solicit these
greetings again in time, we hope, for the Crucifixion and Resurrection
of The Easter Bunny who died to give us chocolate likenesses of
himself. Yes, himself, albeit a term of convenience: for because the
Bunny is hermaphroditic, he can do what to most mortals is physically
impossible, and can thereby propagate an endless chain of chocolate
rabbits or rabbis if you omit the "t" and the chocolate is kosher.
Now, in the interests of propagating my own legacy, how about soliciting
my work? I am a shameless self-promoter and, to cross gender and even
national lines, a literary doxy.
ken
--
Kenneth Wolman
Proposal Development Department
Room SW334
Sarnoff Corporation
609-734-2538
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
-Douglas Adams
|