Thanks Sharon and Anny. It's good to get a response (of any kind).
I'm getting better at writing to order (rather than waiting for
the muse to strike) - doing the snapshots is helping.
Other people's snaps so far:
My favourite is Mark Weiss's, the pumpkin tart & the kings & queens.
The only thing is, I'm not sure whether Mark is talking about a particular
piece of history or some tale I should have read, or is making it up.
Sharon Brogan (winter) - I do like this one, the language of it, but
I'm getting the urge to put in some punctuation or change the line endings
so it's easier to read. But that would destroy the poem's rather definite
form. It becomes clearer with multiple readings.
But "ice/ on the tree limbs ice/ on mine sleep/ a clumsy skate":
Are we to read, "ice on the tree limbs, ice on mine, sleep a clumsy skate"
or "ice on the tree limbs, ice on mine, sleep, a clumsy skate"
or "ice on the tree limbs, ice on mine sleep, a clumsy skate"?
Initially I read it the third way and thought, that doesn't sound right!
Now I think it's either the first way (in which case some punctuation
might help) or Sharon is for whatever reason trying to be ambiguous.
Quick responses to the rest:
Max Richards (Mike) - this is more about Max than about Mike, I think.
Patrick McManus (fairy godfather) - sorry, but I'm over this sort of thing!
Roger Collett (wild weather) - a vivid description
Gerald Schwartz (mudslide) - the technique of making the poem look like
a mudslide has worked pretty well.
Stephen Vincent (father story) - yes, there's a lot here to do something
with. The line "This embrace of a place and a life" feels like the
beginning as well as the end.
Janet
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Janet Jackson
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www.arach.net.au/~huxtable/janet
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