Don't want to be too hard on the blokes - it's partly the girls fault
too. Well only partly, and sometimes...haha.
Ooooo....I do like what you said - very strong! Thanks for the
suggestion...honestly, any suggestion I get is ace. How are you going
to get better, if you don't get any feedback. That's what I think at
least. So bring on the comments...
-----Original Message-----
From: Poetryetc provides a venue for a dialogue relating to poetry and
poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Andrew Burke
Sent: 23 November 2005 23:59
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Re: Snap: moving on
Ahhh, Heather, you made ME feel guilty - just for being a hardhearted
bloke.
If you took out 'in small doses', the line would be a ripper: 'Cruelty
comes /
unforgiving in the sunlight' ...
But you didn't ask for suggestions, so I'll shut up.
Thanks for that ...
Andrew
Quoting Heather Taylor <[log in to unmask]>:
> Moving on
>
> Found your letter today.
> Unsaid words flood back,
> smiles forgotten, unsure again
> if the right choices were.
>
> Love is no highway
> doubt keeping us in petrol stations
> places mapped unexplored -
> arrogant you'll take me
> in the wrong direction
> even if it's the way I'd have gone myself.
>
> Cruelty comes in small doses,
> unforgiving in the sunlight,
> me leaving bombs in shiny packages as
> shadows grow your face to retirement.
>
> Moments left in envelopes fading, my name
> you scrawled on the front disappearing
> like the morning you left for the last time.
>
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