Thanks, Doug...
> I wasn't as bothered by the poem as those other two, but I do think
> that the angel creeping in gets in the way a bit & would change this
> line:
>
>>>> Angel, how numb your shoulders are,
>
> to 'how numb your shoulders,'
I tried that (among several other things), and it missed something for
me...I suspect that I want that echo of Rilke:
Angel! o take, pluck, the small-flowered leaves of healing.
Make a vase to preserve them!
&c
Though looking at the Rilke, of course, makes the poem please me even less.
And thanks Janet, though I was seeking some kind of soaring and rush in the
lineation, as well as that direct address.
Maybe one for the bin. It's been teasing me for years now. Maybe what I want
to find there might have to wait for some other poem...
All the best
A
Alison Croggon
Blog: http://theatrenotes.blogspot.com
Editor, Masthead: http://masthead.net.au
Home page: http://alisoncroggon.com
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