nice fixes, scribbler. approaching a rap, m' man.
judy
> From: David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]>
> Date: 2005/12/27 Tue AM 10:06:11 EST
> To: [log in to unmask]
> Subject: Re: Doodle
>
> Why thank you, Frederick, Judy. I assure it was just a doodle - a five
> minute scribble.
>
> I've slightly revised it, if of interest. The 'EX' should be in italics.
>
> (I'd never actually seen what a drop-in for the homeless etc is like at
> Christmas before this one, just as I'd never seen what the inside of a
> psychiatric ward is like either. Been, um, interesting.)
>
> This is the revision:
>
>
> The Triangle Drop-in Centre
>
> Dossers snigger at an untuned trumpet
> And the songs they should sing
> For this (lottery funded) EX-mas supper.
> Wincing the herald angels
>
> Press hands over ears. Like a brickyard
> Abandoned in a holiday,
> Boxes stack and tumble at the foot
> Of the invisible. Tree not there,
>
> Tree not reaching heavenheadward,
> As the wet snow waits,
>
> Dribbling, drizzling, drivelling,
>
> Outside, writing as it slaps your face
> Its true name: cold reign.
>
>
> December 24th 2005
>
>
> Best
>
> Dave
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Frederick Pollack" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Tuesday, December 27, 2005 2:06 PM
> Subject: Re: Doodle
>
>
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: "David Bircumshaw" <[log in to unmask]>
> > To: <[log in to unmask]>
> > Sent: Tuesday, December 27, 2005 6:54 AM
> > Subject: Doodle
> >
> >
> > The Triangle Drop-in Centre
> >
> > The dossers snigger at the untuned trumpet
> > And the songs they should sing
> > For this (lottery funded) Christmas supper.
> > Even the herald angels
> >
> > Press hands over ears. Like a brickyard
> > Abandoned in a rush,
> > Boxes stack and tumble at the foot
> > Of the invisible. Tree not there,
> >
> > Tree not reaching heavenheadward,
> > As the wet snow waits
> > Outside, writing as it slaps your face
> > Its true name: cold rain.
> >
> > Considerably more than a "doodle"! "Boxes stack and tumble at the foot /
> Of
> > the invisible" - excellent!
>
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