november song (par trois)
stmble legs november
blue sweets green jar
hide and seek behind glass door
safeties off nasty weather
the wrong tea bag toast sweat
targets squared sequencing PAVE
bread crumbs bread board
mercy fuel-air weapons sleeping farmers
vertices glow un-tethered fury
hard mind
whispers rotten load-bearing stanchions
lodgements grey dust scoured flesh
rhizomatic networks grip body impolitic
pale emphasis
twist uplift leaves
magician opens her cave
glisten slyly shadows
warmth
blue and green glow-worms
throw shadows narrative
finger formations merge shimmering images
soft hills dotted towers smoke
grey ship placid bay
rubies river merge fresh cracks tomorrows cave
ancient Gilgamesh
swift sheath light
hand catches silver bullet
On 11/17/05, Stephen Vincent <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Roger - I think you can make this tighter by taking out the "of" everywhere
> you can:
>
> "Twist uplift of leaves" into
> Twist uplift leaves
>
> Or
>
> "whispers of rotten wood" into
> whispers rotten wood
>
>
> I think you get a much better music without the "of" - which I hear as "of"
> another century. Most of the time here you are already dropping it.
>
> Again, I like the density.
>
> Stephen V
> http://stephenvincent.net/blog/
>
>
>
> > stmble legs into november
> > blue sweets in a green jar
> > hide and seek beind a glass door
> > safeties off in nasty weather
> > the wrong tea bag, toast sweat
> > targets squared, sequencing PAVE
> > bread crumbs on the bread board
> > mercy of fuel-air weapons for sleeping farmers
> > vertices glow in untethered fury
> > a hard mind
> > whispers of rotten wood in load-bearing stanchions
> > lodgements of grey dust in scoured flesh
> > rhizomatic networks grip a body impolitic
> > pale emphasis
> > twist uplift of leaves
> > a magician opens her cave
> > glisten slyly in shadows,
> > in warmth
> > blue and green glow-worms
> > throw shadows as narrative
> > finger formations merge to shimmering images
> > soft hills dotted with towers of smoke
> > a grey ship on a placid bay
> > a river or rubies emerges from fresh cracks in tomorrows cave
> > as ancient as Gilgamesh
> > like a swift sheath of light
> > a hand catches the silver bullet
> >
> >
> > --
> > http://www.badstep.net/
> > http://www.cb1poetry.org.uk/
> >
> >
> > --
> > http://www.badstep.net/
> > http://www.cb1poetry.org.uk/
>
--
http://www.badstep.net/
http://www.cb1poetry.org.uk/
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