This is a rather difficult email to write. It concerns a problem I have
been having for more than the past year with Rebecca Seiferle.
Recently, Rebecca again resigned (voluntarily) from poetryetc, after she
sent me a long, bizarre and hostile email accusing me of using false
cyber-identities to write her directly personal poems, as part of a
collaboration on another poetry list. The person she named as my heteronym,
Simon Taylor, is to the best of my knowledge a perfectly corporeal and
inoffensive poet and theatre worker who lives in New Zealand. Despite my
strong and heated denials of doing any such thing, Rebecca seems to be
persisting in believing that this is the case.
This is the latest turn in a long and tedious story. Since February 2004, I
have consistently and constantly requested Rebecca to cease contacting me
privately, after the breakdown of what had been an increasingly difficult
cyber-friendship. She has continued to do so, despite my either ignoring
her communications or sending brief requests that she do not contact me.
She has sent me torturously long emails, unwanted (and expensive) gifts and
phoned me. I finally told her that if she does not stop harassing me, I will
take legal action. This seems to have stopped the emails, but not the phone
calls over the past month, which are perhaps even more intrusive and
disturbing. The latest (two calls) were this morning.
There is no doubt that Rebecca's behaviour constitutes harassment: in the
State of Victoria, where I live, it is legally considered harassment if
someone makes unwanted contact (including emails, &c) to another person more
than two times. Rebecca has certainly gone way beyond this minimal legal
definition.
It is difficult to explain how disturbing this harassment has been, and how
it makes me feel. No matter what I say or don't say, Rebecca seems to be
convinced that I desire to have an intimate relationship with her. It's not
as if she is threatening me, or doing any malicious cyber harassment; though
there has often been a disturbing subtext of violence in her emails, and the
irrationality of this pursuit does make me feel fearful. All I can say is
that this pattern of behaviour, and my fruitless attempts to stop it, gives
me the creeps and makes me feel powerless, and each time she contacts me it
gets worse.
I know this is not the first time this has happened. Another Australian
poet wrote me more than two years ago and complained that Rebecca had been
cyberstalking her. They too had had an email friendship which that poet
then sought to break off. To my shame, I did not believe her at the time.
Which brings me to why I am writing this mail. I have done considerable
research now on this kind of cyber behaviour, and it turns out it's not
uncommon. Rebecca's pattern of behaviour seems to fall under the rough
heading of an "intimacy seeker". One of the first bits of advice anyone
says about harassment is not to keep it secret, and to tell those with whom
one associates with so they, too, are aware of it. So this, with some
trepidation, is what I am doing. I have also been logging the phone calls,
as is advised in these cases, with times, dates, contents of phone calls and
witnesses present; at present they are running at about one a week. And of
course I have filed all the emails &c.
Over the past year I have been very reluctant to talk about this situation,
save to a couple of close friends (who have indicated they will support my
claims, should it become necessary: which I most sincerely hope it will
not). There were a number of reasons: firstly, embarrassment; secondly, a
fear of not being believed, and thirdly, respect for Rebecca as a
professional colleague and poet, and a concern that this behaviour suggests
that she is not well. But my discretion has not resulted in her leaving me
alone; and I have the right to be unharassed in my own house.
Perhaps those on this list who care about Rebecca could help both me and her
by persuading her that I have absolutely no interest in having any kind of
private relationship with her; that all I want is for her to leave me alone,
to stop contacting me by phone or email or any other means. I have nothing
to say to her, no matter what she seems to believe.
I most profoundly do not want to take any legal measures, although I am
beginning to think that I may have no choice. All I want is for Rebecca to
take notice of my repeated requests to desist contacting me privately. I am
beginning to lose hope that this is possible. She seems to have some
deluded idea of who I am, and of what our relationship was and is, and
nothing I can say will shake it.
When I first asked Rebecca - more than a year ago - to stop contacting me
privately, I thought (naively, as it turned out) that it should be possible
to continue a perfectly civil and friendly "professional" relationship, as
fellow poets and colleagues. Unfortunately, I have found this is not
possible; even the most indirect communication on list has often resulted in
private contact, the reiteration of the belief by Rebecca that I "love" her,
and that she "loves" me, or in accusations of personal attack. A while back
I asked her to stay off list to allow me to get over the difficulties her
behaviour had caused me, and later told her she could come back when I felt
that was dealt with; at that point I thought things would be ok. But again,
I now see this was naive and a mistake. My desire to be fair only resulted
in Rebecca accusing me of sending her "mixed messages". I append one recent
note below, in which my desires seem to me to be outlined quite clearly to
any reasonable eye. I can't believe that she persists in contacting me
despite my writing her emails like that one.
I no longer believe that it is possible for Rebecca to be a member of this
list, and in the unlikely event that she seeks to resubscribe, I will not
put it through.
I'm sorry to have to post this. I have thought long and hard, and I can no
longer do nothing about this situation. I hope it will be read with
generosity on all sides. I do not feel any malice towards Rebecca; nor am I
interested in endless narratives of blame and justification. I am hoping
that perhaps this might stop it. If she just leaves me alone, I will be
perfectly satisfied.
A
User-Agent: Microsoft-Entourage/10.1.0.2006
Date: Thu, 10 Mar 2005 17:32:18 +1000
Subject: One last time
From: Alison Croggon <[log in to unmask]>
To: Rebecca Seiferle <[log in to unmask]>
Message-ID: <[log in to unmask]>
In-Reply-To: <[log in to unmask]>
Mime-version: 1.0
1. For the past year or so you have been harassing me. By that I mean that
despite my many, many very clear requests that you do not contact me
privately, you continue to do so, by email and by phone, and at length.
2. That you do not recognise your behaviour as harassment does not mean
that it isn't harassment. It is.
3. As I have said consistently and constantly for the past year, I have no
interest in continuing any kind of private relationship with you. I am not
interested in discussing what is _your_ misunderstanding or wilful refusal
to understand what I have repeated so often.
4. I do not and have never in my life used pseudonyms to harass people. I
think that such behaviour is beneath contempt.
5. The kind of person you seem to think I am bears no relation to the
person I actually am. Whoever you think I am is a fantasy or a delusion.
6. I have no problems with any other kind of communication on email lists,
so long as you privately leave me alone.
7. The fact that I am prepared to be publicly civil is not an invitation
for you to harass me or a de facto admission of unadmitted love. It just
means that I am a civilised person and that I recognise your right also to
be in public places.
8. I am not vindictive. But I do not see why that means that I have to put
up with your harassment.
8. When I say I want you to leave me alone, I mean that I want you to leave
me alone.
A
Alison Croggon
Blog: http://theatrenotes.blogspot.com
Editor, Masthead: http://masthead.net.au
Home page: http://alisoncroggon.com
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