This caught my eye elsewhere, and I suspect it might appeal to people
here. The goal of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest "is childishly
simple: entrants are challenged to submit bad opening sentences to
imaginary novels".
"As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg
carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet
pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold,
aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil
dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter
seven of the shop manual." (Dan McKay, Fargo, ND, winner)
"She walked toward him, her dress billowing in the wind -- not a calm
and predictable billows like the sea, but more like the billowing of a
mildewed shower curtain in a cheap motel where one has to dance around
to avoid touching it while trying to rinse off soap." (Kristin Harbuck,
Bozeman, MT)
"Falcon was her name and she was quite the bird of prey, sashaying past
her adolescent admirers from one anchor store to another, past the
kiosks where earrings longed to lie upon her lobes and sunglasses hoped
to nestle on her nose, seemingly the beginning of a beautiful friendship
with whomsoever caught the eye of the mall tease, Falcon." (Jay
Dardenne, Baton Rouge, LA)
More at http://www2.sjsu.edu/depts/english/2005.htm
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