thanks, Douglas -- I agree -- and I think I will continue to work with
this, just to see if I can make it work in that 3 column form -- maybe
even drop the first few stanzas altogether --
but I will let it stand as-is for the snapshot -- especially since I
think this may take some- long- time to do & learn from ...
On Thu, 27 Jan 2005 09:46:45 -0700, Douglas Barbour
<[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Sharon:
>
> I'm way behind, but I liked it as a series of stanzas, AND as 3
> columns, but in the columns I did note that sometimes one could read
> down & it worked & at other points didn't so much. So that there's
> already a breakdown in syntax if one reads down. Do you want to edit to
> lessen that or not? If not, then you can cut a bit across as well, but
> with care, obviously.
>
> I think some of the lines near the end, that approaching earth, are
> where the real strength in the poem lies...
>
--
Sharon Brogan
http://www.sbpoet.com
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