And thankyou for the help Stephen - much appreiciated.
Roger
On 11/17/05, Roger Day <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> november song (par trois)
>
> stmble legs november
> blue sweets green jar
> hide and seek behind glass door
> safeties off nasty weather
> the wrong tea bag toast sweat
> targets squared sequencing PAVE
> bread crumbs bread board
> mercy fuel-air weapons sleeping farmers
> vertices glow un-tethered fury
> hard mind
> whispers rotten load-bearing stanchions
> lodgements grey dust scoured flesh
> rhizomatic networks grip body impolitic
> pale emphasis
> twist uplift leaves
> magician opens her cave
> glisten slyly shadows
> warmth
> blue and green glow-worms
> throw shadows narrative
> finger formations merge shimmering images
> soft hills dotted towers smoke
> grey ship placid bay
> rubies river merge fresh cracks tomorrows cave
> ancient Gilgamesh
> swift sheath light
> hand catches silver bullet
>
> On 11/17/05, Stephen Vincent <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > Roger - I think you can make this tighter by taking out the "of" everywhere
> > you can:
> >
> > "Twist uplift of leaves" into
> > Twist uplift leaves
> >
> > Or
> >
> > "whispers of rotten wood" into
> > whispers rotten wood
> >
> >
> > I think you get a much better music without the "of" - which I hear as "of"
> > another century. Most of the time here you are already dropping it.
> >
> > Again, I like the density.
> >
> > Stephen V
> > http://stephenvincent.net/blog/
> >
> >
> >
> > > stmble legs into november
> > > blue sweets in a green jar
> > > hide and seek beind a glass door
> > > safeties off in nasty weather
> > > the wrong tea bag, toast sweat
> > > targets squared, sequencing PAVE
> > > bread crumbs on the bread board
> > > mercy of fuel-air weapons for sleeping farmers
> > > vertices glow in untethered fury
> > > a hard mind
> > > whispers of rotten wood in load-bearing stanchions
> > > lodgements of grey dust in scoured flesh
> > > rhizomatic networks grip a body impolitic
> > > pale emphasis
> > > twist uplift of leaves
> > > a magician opens her cave
> > > glisten slyly in shadows,
> > > in warmth
> > > blue and green glow-worms
> > > throw shadows as narrative
> > > finger formations merge to shimmering images
> > > soft hills dotted with towers of smoke
> > > a grey ship on a placid bay
> > > a river or rubies emerges from fresh cracks in tomorrows cave
> > > as ancient as Gilgamesh
> > > like a swift sheath of light
> > > a hand catches the silver bullet
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > http://www.badstep.net/
> > > http://www.cb1poetry.org.uk/
> > >
> > >
> > > --
> > > http://www.badstep.net/
> > > http://www.cb1poetry.org.uk/
> >
>
>
> --
> http://www.badstep.net/
> http://www.cb1poetry.org.uk/
>
--
http://www.badstep.net/
http://www.cb1poetry.org.uk/
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