deborah russell wrote:
> I'm not sure if they fry your brain, but after two weeks without a
> mobile, I've stopped putting my cigarettes out in my coffee. (as much)
>
>> I suppose that I am the only one without a mobile phone ?????
>> Do they really cook brains ? might explain a few things here??
>> Has Robbie H got one and David B and esp gorgeous Omnia??
>
Like alcohol, narcotics, and tobacco, the cell phone is demonic and
cause those who use it to be possessed by demons. Jesus did not drive
the demons from the crazyman in the graveyard into a pack of swine. He
drove them into a display of cell phones in The Sprint and Verizon
Stores. I got my first cell phone because I had undiagnosed and
untreated bipolar disorder. In other words I was crazy as a shithouse
rat. Why else get one? Sane people do not need to be open to phone
calls 24x7 unless they are drug dealers or actors (there's a difference?).
I am not alone in this. I worked with a Deutsche Bank consultant around
the same time who had THREE phones in his car. He brought one into
church with him on Ash Wednesday 1999. As the priest was prounouncing
the formula "From dust didst thou come, to dust thou shalt return" this
guy's phone rang. At the altar. I said to him "Y'know, there are three
times when you don't need to have it on. When you're getting ashes in
church. When you're taking a dump. When you're making love to your
wife." But I'm sure he did all three anyway.
Phones are a symptom. Just like drugs and alcohol. Someone stole my
first phone within two weeks. A guy named Candido Velez belt-picked me
on the bus to the Newark train station. I flipped and began hunting him
down, my intent was to kill him. Me, the modern day Wally Cox. See,
his ex-girlfriend was one of the phone numbers, she lived in West
Virginia. She informed me that Candido had done felony time there for
car theft (her car) and beating up her and her daughter. Candido was
working in New York, supposedly, as a chauffeur out of a garage in upper
Manhattan. I called the garage and asked for him. I was told he did
not work there. I knew the guy who answered the phone was lying, but
that little voice of sanity which occasionally asserted itself said
"KEN, BAIL!!" Ken did. He got his scrips filled instead. Better than
nothing.
I should have known what would happen. Now it's an addiction.
Electronic junk. Wireless grain alcohol. When my Sprint contract
expired in August I could have made the brave decision to let people
call me at home or go away. Instead I opted for a company called
Working Assets. Progressive causes, Ben & Jerry's fat food, crappy
service, and hidden charges...all on Sprint airwaves! But now I'm addicted.
The big secret is the reception on most cell phones is awful. But ya
gotta look Important. Important? When 14-year-old female mall rats are
running around with their Britney bare midriffs cell-phoning their
gynaecologists, or my piss-ant community college students come in with
red see-thru phones they refuse to turn off, then who is Important? A
couple of weeks ago one of my "students" had his phone go off in class.
Again, for the third time in two weeks. Instead of just staring at the
kid (Ken the Basilisk), I snapped "Turn that f-----g thing off." He
looked surprised I'd use "bad language." And that's WITH the meds-).
I wonder what life would be like without an aptly-named "cell" phone.
ken
--
Kenneth Wolman
Proposal Development Department
Room SW334
Sarnoff Corporation
609-734-2538
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