----- Original Message -----
From: "Andrew Burke" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, November 11, 2005 7:25 PM
Subject: extremely late snap
she gave me lip
and when I gave her lip back
she gave me
breakfast
bacon and eggs
(the oysters of the suburbs
((out of statement
into light
weeds grow
over his defence)) )
*
... as you drive out
West Swan Road
you'll see flowers stall
and strawberries ripen
*
the bored boy
shuffles the word cards
on the floor
and rolls himself
up in the rug ...
this is poetry,
I tell them
the kid's got it right
*
the prettiest girl
in the tightest jeans
gets my attention
'form and content'
I tell them, not
content at all
myself
Love it. Really needs a title. "them" in last stanza is apparently a
class - but why make reader hesitate over a minor point? Say "I tell the
class." And "myself" as isolated line feels stagy - wouldn't lose by having
it follow "all." --- "flowers stall" marvelous. Jolly depressed poem.
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