Janet,
Perfect time for comment now---leg o lamb in the oven, fruit gelatin
gelling, me tryna decide which of several new (very used) books to read . .
.
You're right: Make your poem weirder!
Lemme say what I get from it and why.
Main part's the most developed part, and is, I think, (crazy me) a gendered
connection. Hence my confusion at your repeating the "genderless" lines.
Now, if you are female and your dreamlover's female, well, doggone, I'm
wrong.
I really like the schoolchildren lining up nervous and the schoolenemies
tittering---but I don't get why they are in the poem, and I don't get why
they only appear "in dream." That makes it seem as if they don't appear in
"real" life, which they surely do. But if you say they only appear "in
dream" to you---well, why do you say that?
I totally love: "my book's blank pages grow scribbles
crowding out your name
I draw a box to protect it"
and then at the end
"I make a protective box
but waking dissolves my scrap of
evidence"
If your answer to any of my confusions is, "Well, dreams just don't make
sense," I'm one of the last folks who will agree with you! Every bit of a
dream makes sense, and all the bits work together for the larger sense.
Eager to see what you do next with the poem.
Judy
----- Original Message -----
From: "Janet Jackson" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, December 31, 1999 1:22 PM
Subject: "September dream" - a work in progress
>A work in progress. Dream poems can be weird - is this
> too weird? or should I make it weirder?
>
>
> September dream
> ---------------
>
> Because this love is unconditional and genderless and transcendent
>
> Only in dream do children come out first,
> lined up, nervous
>
> Because it takes everything I have and everything you have
>
> Only in dream do schoolenemies observe,
> tittering, mock-encouraging in newpressed uniforms
>
> Only in dream my book's blank pages grow scribbles
> crowding out your name.
> I draw a box to protect it
>
> Because this love is unconditional and genderless and transcendent
> Because it takes everything I have and everything you have
>
> Only in dream are you taller
> Only in dream are my body's arms around you
>
> Soft against my cheek, your
> tender neckskin, your
> fuzzy handknit sweater,
> smelling sweet and old
>
> Only in dream are you
> silent while I have words.
> Do you hear my dreamvoice against your neck?
> I can barely speak
> My throat is breaking
> "I love you"
>
> I make a protective box
> but waking dissolves my scrap of evidence
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
> Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]>
> Poems at Proximity:
> http://www.arach.net.au/~huxtable/janet/proximity.html
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
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