I too prefer the earlier, closer version.
But I'm not so sure about Hal's preference for over "oceanic" over "ocean".
Doesn't mean the same thing. Both are adjectival here, but "oceanic" implies
a vastness to the outfall, whereas "ocean" is simply descriptive of the type
of outfall, the undisguised pipe into the sea. It depends which meaning
Patrick intends.
joanna
----- Original Message -----
From: "Halvard Johnson" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, September 07, 2005 12:54 PM
Subject: Re: snapshot~7 September 2005revised patrick
> Nice, Patrick, though I rather prefer the
> original (except that I'd use "oceanic" instead
> of "ocean").
>
> Hal
>
> On Sep 7, 2005, at 2:38 AM, Patrick McManus wrote:
>
>> HIS POETRY
>>
>>
>>
>> gradually
>>
>> his poetry
>>
>> developed
>>
>> over the years
>>
>> from a small
>>
>> silver spittoon
>>
>> to a full scale
>>
>> finely macerated
>>
>> sewage ocean outfall.
>>
>> pmcmanus
>>
>> raynes park london uk
>>
>> N690
>>
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