i meant thanks for the suggestion
ive been miswriting more than usually today
either the other side is trying to speak through me or my brain is
collapsing
L
----- Original Message -----
From: "Lawrence Upton" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Thursday, September 01, 2005 9:28 PM
Subject: Re: snap rewrite
> thanks judy
>
> i'm not sure i ditto it, but thanks for the interest
>
> L
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "judy prince" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Thursday, September 01, 2005 9:02 PM
> Subject: Re: snap rewrite
>
>
> > Lawrence, a power-filled poem. And I ditto what Fred wrote, as given
> below
> > your poem reproduced here.
> >
> > Thanks, Judy
> >
> >
> > > ----- Original Message -----
> > > From: "Lawrence Upton" <[log in to unmask]>
> > > To: <[log in to unmask]>
> > > Sent: Thursday, September 01, 2005 3:35 PM
> > > Subject: snap rewrite
> > >
> > >
> > >> Bulky in top, and shorts and logos,
> > >>
> > >> tanned round skull shaven to the brain,
> > >>
> > >> it grins at the woman who's near it.
> > >>
> > >> This is an automat gesture -
> > >>
> > >> as a dog looks round, mapping itself
> > >>
> > >> on to the moving pack, as a bird
> > >>
> > >> flies because another bird flies.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Lacking a sense of higher power,
> > >>
> > >> it may be violent, may think
> > >>
> > >> itself feral. It's dressed to fill
> > >>
> > >> several familiar old images.
> > >>
> > >> One sees the space as a pet, or a child,
> > >>
> > >> glimpsing a common jeopardy,
> > >>
> > >> jam-packed by courage without great risk.
> > >>
> > >
> > > Very strong. Suggestion: drop comma after "child"; make last line
> > > "courageous without great risk." Clearer and more powerful.
> >
>
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