Janet,
My delight at your response to Sea Song!
Second version was a joke---only a joke---in response to Patrick's critique.
I, at times, agree with what you said about a lengthier version of the
original . . . and then at other times I wonder about brevity's beauty.
Only way to resolve the dilemma is to soulfully expand the original. As
Joanna B would say, one can always go back to the original, no harm done in
experimenting beyond it (an extreme paraphrase of your suggestion, Joanna
dear!).
In any event, thanks, Janet, for your thoughtful comments,
Judy
----- Original Message -----
From: "Janet Jackson" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, August 23, 2005 9:15 AM
Subject: recent poems by Deborah, Judy, SB
> Pleased to find some poems among all the, er, other stuff.
>
> I Don't Take Shit From Satan (Deborah)
> Enjoyed this but expected Satan to make another appearance near the end.
> Without him it just seems to tail off.
>
> Sea Song (Judy)
> I liked the first version much better than the shorter second version.
> The sea is a huge restless thing - such a little, still poem doesn't
> do it justice. IMHO!
>
> lots (SB) (can we use your name or must we use the initials?)
> I thought Lot's wife was rather obvious here and maybe the
> poem would be better without her. Or, maybe, written from
> her point of view.
> Effective use of language though. My favourite bit, for some
> reason, is "a lot is a stem of wheat/ shaped like a key".
> That just seems to resonate somehow.
>
> Janet
> ------------------------------------------------------
> Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]>
> Poems at Proximity:
> http://www.arach.net.au/~huxtable/janet/proximity.html
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
|