The line breaks didn't bother me. I don't work for Alsop Review, after all.
It is heartbreaking to read.
I'm not 100% sure you need the first two lines. The "you" comes in at
the end in an eerie context--not sure what "I'm" doing in those opening
lines.
The end--I am reminded of Rudy Bloom in _Ulysses_. Why? Because I'm
nuts and because the child floats in like a happy ghost.
Andrew Burke wrote:
>As mentioned, I've revised this little thing - to more accurately portray the daughters fear. Andrew
>
>I'm impatient today,
>wasting hours with trivial pursuits.
>Tomorrow is the funeral
>and yesterday was his death.
>
>His wife can stop
>saying 'it's unfair'
>and 'we'll keep going',
>
>his infant daughters
>
>can stop crying because
>
>Daddy's too sick to hold them.
>His father knows the truth -
>there is no hope now.
>His brothers organise
>the rosary, the requiem,
>the funeral, the wake ...
>When all the business of death
>is put away until next time,
>they will cry, privately,
>by themselves.
>His little girls will get
>too many presents on
>their next birthday,
>and their mother will
>always cry on occasion.
>
>But a young boy still
>runs in my mind, stops
>and looks at me with
>his cheeky smile,
>always with
>a big green apple,
>half eaten, in his hand.
>
>
>
>(for my nephew Adrian Churack
>
>
>
>
--
Kenneth Wolman
Proposal Development Department
Room SW334
Sarnoff Corporation
609-734-2538
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