Thanks everyone who contributed helpful responses to this piece de Mom! I
think I will drop the last explicatory 'stanza' or paragraph, whatever it
is. Explication of effort most often gets me into trouble - or the poem into
trouble. Now that I think of it, Had that trouble that as a parent, too -
never quite trusting the kid to walk on his own two legs, let his/her own
body & brain make their own decisions, etc., etc.
By the way I told my mom of the great pleasure an international crowd of
readers got from her story of the peach (if I did not already mention this
already); her face lit up and became literally radiant with pleasure and
excitement to be so known as a writer.
May we all get that!
Stephen V
Blog: http://stephenvincent.durationpress.com
> Stephen, I very much like the first version's ending, and the second
> version's beginning. Works wonderfully!
>
> Judy
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Stephen Vincent" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Wednesday, July 20, 2005 9:14 PM
> Subject: Snap - Vincent (revise)
>
>
>> My Mother, 89, Observes a Particular Rose:
>>
>> I continue to do little creative writing exercises
>>
>> with my Mom. One evening, recently, I cut some
>>
>> white and pink roses from the garden - one that she
>>
>> no longer is able to attend and care for anymore.
>>
>> I placed the flowers in an alabaster vase
>>
>> and put them on the coffee table in front of the couch
>>
>> where she routinely sits after dinner. I take my journal
>>
>> and pen and ask her to tell me what she can say
>>
>> about what is going inside one of the roses. Without
>>
>> question, after concentrating her gaze for a moment,
>>
>> she starts:
>>
>>
>> "Before one looks into the heart of a Rose
>>
>> One sees a very delicate pink, eager to come forth
>>
>> To come out in public. But, as the days go by
>>
>> It becomes much larger, almost arrogant.
>>
>> A central color is precise and ready
>>
>> To take the Rose on many an experience:
>>
>> Wouldn't you like to go further in studying
>>
>> This magnificent piece of budding life -
>>
>> Now really of much broader experience?"
>>
>>
>> Similar to an earlier piece, I continue
>>
>> to find it astonishing the way my Mom may
>>
>> invite one to look at and value her life without
>>
>> being at all conscious she may be doing so:
>>
>> Before the final window of disappearance.
>>
>>
>> I don't know why that last line came to me. But it seems
>>
>> important - whether she live one more year or five -
>>
>> to value the profile and fullness of what can still be given.
>>
>> And that we, too, as we age, be given the same gift
>>
>> which is just, perhaps, another way of saying
>>
>> "Go and be among elders, too."
>>
>>
>>
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