Fred, yeah, the kinda "orbital" (spaced out) WH; it works, and it resonates w every read.
Re revisions: absolute YES to "chevroned jackets," sight-concretes always the best turn-on; in this case recalls WH's spaced, involuted "happy reasonings" re his own incarce; and (I may be projecting m' own politics here) his tie w the mili-indus complex; and---not the least forcefully---the terror-filling power and rigidity of our collectively sanctioned "authority/ies." Re new last line:
"as the planes flame down upon the city,"
---damn AWESOME, Fred! KICK IT! (in case you misunderstood that, think: KICK ASS!). too delighted Judy
~~~~~~~
"Generals cry more in public than Privates." (Jeff Hecker, Norfolk, VA, U.S.A.)
~~~~~~~
----- Original Message -----
From: "Fred Pollack" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, July 01, 2005 5:45 AM
Subject: Re: latest - "Walter Hyatt"
> -------------- Original message --------------
>
>> Excellent, Fred. This one, "Walter Hyatt": easier to "get" bcuz has only one
>> character; more message-"sneaky" bcuz WH's not dissing anyone (cf Detweiler's
>> Sao Paulo colleague re the "breeding rabbits" and Detweiler's own "off the tit"
>> street suspects) and bcuz we're carried along on WH's enjoying (probably
>> enforced) leisure life, p'raps in a post-prison-for-CEO's environment.
>>
>> Are the parachuters connected to WH through his corporation or the government?
>> Nice touch, if so.
>>
>> You showed Detweiler becoming conscious in last statement: "First chance they
>> get, they shoot or get shot - as if they were in fact very wise and knew the
>> life of the poor is a single evening." I debated whether that sounded too much
>> like the poet or whether I can imagine Detweiler waking up at the last. A
>> beautiful sentence, no matter what.
>>
>> Nice understated political portraiture, Fred.
>>
>> Keep em coming,
>>
>> Judy
>> ----- Original Message -----
>>
> Thank you, Judy - really gratifying and perceptive comparison. The image at the end of WH isn't real. Walter's comfortable but utterly dead-end situation (he uses the word "heaven" twice, so something must be wrong) kicks over into surralism, allegory, possibly hallucination. Consciously the man appears to feel no guilt; whatever he did to land him in minimum security, he seems to have had a "golden parachute." Unconsciously, something else may be happening, and it too may involve parachutes. I wanted the image of someone, probably captain and co-pilot, abandoning a plane the way one can abandon ship, and the way WH abandoned, say, his corporation, its pensioners. My original version, I've decided, was too unclear and elliptical. Here's revised ending.
> Sometimes a hatch opens and one
> or two step out with
> parachutes (which have barely enough time
> to open), chevroned jackets somewhat
> sweaty but we take them in,
> feed them, even invite them to play a hole
> as the plane flames down upon the city.
>
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