> my mouth was all wrong
> fingers short of the holes
> too much for me
> so hollow we
> Frank, do you mean kill the following sentence and/or the following
stanza?
> winter debated spring this year
> spring the louder surprise
> and I thought of the bamboo flute
> I thought of you patient you
Very simple, look at the syntax, if you wrote the last line of stanza 4 and
the first line of stanza 5 as a sentence it is very awkward:
"so hollow we winter debated spring this year". I mean, what is that? I
doubt you speak this way. The rest of the poem is in an everyday vernacular
then suddenly there's that shift between 4 and 5. It's up to you just what
to do. The solution might be as simple as dropping the last line of stanza 4
and the first line of stanza 5.
As for the title, drop "the muse".
***************************
Frank Parker
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http://frankshome.org
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