Judy -
Thanks for the chance to see/read a poem of yours (sans all the flurry and
hustle of late).
I'm wondering about just a couple of points if I may comment:
1. Since the bamboo flute is the metaphor of the poem, i.e., carrying the
burden of the work, the title seems redundant to me. I know the flute is the
muse in this case, the poem makes the statement very clearly.
2. The shift in language between the end of stanza 4 and the beginning of
stanza 5 is very different from the plain speech pattern used in the rest of
the poem; a sudden affectation that's grabbing attention away from the rest
of your poem, in my opinion. Smoothed out or cut all together, I don't think
the poem will suffer a bit.
Again, thank you for sharing your poem. It made me eye my own bamboo flute
up on the bookcase gathering some dust. Think I'll brush it off and play a
few notes.
Frank
***************************
Frank Parker
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http://frankshome.org
----- Original Message -----
From: "judy prince" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Friday, June 24, 2005 10:57 PM
Subject: poem: bamboo flute, the muse
bamboo flute
the muse
it stood for years
against the wall
beside the couch
out of sight
I'd bought it for comfort
its creator showing me
how to coax deep sound out
once home though
it had no voice
only whistling
and airy puffing
my mouth was all wrong
fingers short of the holes
too much for me
so hollow we
winter debated spring this year
spring the louder surprise
and I thought of the bamboo flute
I thought of you patient you
I fit my fingers
round your clear core
filled your body with my breathing
and moved with your Music
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Judy Prince
6.25.05
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