Hilarious, Robin, more, more! I never liked that Beowulf till now. I
find I can read this aloud & get that sound - for myself, that is; the
lineation is perfect.
mj
Robin Hamilton wrote:
> UNFERTH AND BEOWULF'S MONSTER FLYTING
>
> (vaguely after BEOWULF ll. 449-528)
>
>
>The big yin got tae Heorot, nae problem:
>"Ahm here fur the monster rammy, but."
>
>"Aye," grunted Unferth intae his beard,
>"Aw we bloody need.
> Soddin mental that yin.
> Think's he's a hard man:
>Aw haw, aw the way frae Brigton."
>
>"So," said Unferth, "come tae deal wi thon
> Grendel bummer, huv yi?"
>
>"Hear yi hid a match wi that Brecca,
> swimming or something?"
>
>"Aye," smarmed Beowulf, buffin his nails
> oan his jacket lapels,
>"No a bad show, that."
>
>So Unferth spoke
> (pittin the semantic heid oan Wulfy):
>
>"See you, yi couldnae swim
> across a puddle in ra fog."
>
>Thus Unferth continued:
>
>"Daft as brushes, the pair aw yi,
> drookit fur a week staunin unner the shower
> in the weans' changin room --
>Nearest yi ever gote tae the sea."
>
>"And onywey, Brecca licked the breeks affy yi."
>
>"Youz pair couldnae even
> sook a sherbert dab
> tae save yir lives."
>
>"Yir a right sad bastard,
> an if yi hing aroon the Hall
> the night, waiting fur Grendel,
>Ahl believe it when Ah bite it."
>
>There wiz Beowulf, face like a midden,
> glowrin somethin awfu --
> till he came back wi a pit-doon:
>"Despite yir gallus tongue, Unferth, yir damned."
>
>"AN yir pissed out o yir skull,
> yi illiterate wee shite."
>
>Then Beowulf spoke:
>
>"See us a pint u heavy, jimmy,
> an Ahl tell youz
> how it *really* wiz ... "
>
> TAE BE CONTINUED
>
>
>
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