Wow.
What can I say, except
Thanks for that.
-Peter Ciccariello
-----Original Message-----
From: judy prince <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Thu, 11 Aug 2005 23:11:53 -0400
Subject: You brought yourself back
You brought yourself back
your nurse had offered a sweet respite
but you refused as sweetly
her cupped hand holding the pill
yet she insisted with coaxed water
I had a dream you said later
I dreamed that I couldn't move
that I could only talk but not move
to myself I said this is not a dream
you cannot move except my sad soul
so I read you books and weep without tears
the friends stay downstairs
their most difficult staying
in earlier mornings our fat cat sat
precisely where you had to walk
in your tiny tour of upper rooms
I would curse her and chase her away
and then you no longer walked at all
the friends came up regularly
some with lively banners to put up
some with thoughtful cassoulet
weeks past you had signed the form
saying you'd be dead within six months
and I wondered at your firm calm signature
you told me where you wanted the funeral
I became as practical as your life
your death the focus of every plan
our son sent letters brilliant in their tact
his love spilling into each word silently
his visits somehow lit our humor
that died the instant of your death
he drank himself senseless on the quadrangle
I drank myself senseless at home
and then I became you just as I had become
my father and mother after their deaths
inviting your friends to eat your food
and talk about you while I felt I was you
and at last you spoke in your way to us all
you made loud tumbling sounds that scared Rose
you knocked an ashtray off the bookcase
as your sister sat smoking in our no-smoking home
you were still the lion
our absent commander
still smiling at our surprise
still in control even dead
-------
Judy Prince
8.11.5
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