> Time for a straw poll, I think. Hands up if you knew that the
> expression "to toss off " meant "to masturbate".
Yes.
But I didn't think of it until Dominic mentioned it and
I don't really think it's such a problem.
The earth is generally spoken of as female, and tossing off
is male masturbation. Women don't toss off - it's the wrong action! ;)
I don't mind the earth having a whim, either.
But "our blue earth's path is changed": yikes, has it gone off course?!
Also the rest of the poem seems to be asserting that the earth
is not "ours". And "blue" seems to be there mainly for the scansion.
On the whole, I like the concept being expressed,
but I'm not sure this form suits it. The poem seems restrained
and, yes, artificial, but I guess that's ok if that's what you like.
Personal taste here - if it's formal I like the form to
show up more strongly. If we're going to have a rhyme scheme
I'd rather hear a few stronger rhymes, and if we're going to have
pentameter I want it to sing (that's sing, not sing-song!)
It will be interesting to see how this poem develops, if you decide
to work on it some more, Sharon.
Janet
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Janet Jackson
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www.arach.net.au/~huxtable/janet
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