> Hello Bob,
I like the way you evoke the sense of the office scene and the characters in it. especially I like the way you recreate the meditative/contemplative frame of mind of the narrator in the long rhthms of the lines and syntax. I have a very tiny doubt about the idea of linking the `real´ swans and the girls from the top floor. It feels a little bit like an `easy´ way to cast a judgement on them and it could seem like a cliché....maybe. Just a thought.
Best wishes, Mike
> Lähettäjä: Bob Cooper <[log in to unmask]>
> Päiväys: 2004/03/05 pe PM 08:36:26 GMT+02:00
> Vastaanottaja: [log in to unmask]
> Aihe: When We're For Coffee
>
> Here's one for some C & C:
>
> When We’re For Coffee
>
> Middle-aged-Dave, who’s my age, but the only one here
> in white shirt, neatly knotted dark tie, has already told us
> all he thinks about Grin & Blur It, as he calls the PM,
> education, then tax, but he isn’t offering his biscuits,
> and I’m looking out the window where, like yesterday,
> I hope to see swans. I’ve heard they’re vicious,
> they rush, they hiss, their long wings can break an arm.
> I ought to take time to watch them more closely. Now
> Ted’s telling Mandy and Susie from the top floor how FCUK
> is too crude a name for expensive T-Shirts and jeans,
> that beautiful things should be discreet, and the cost
> of heating the office is so much more than a jacket
> and a sweater with the firm’s logo, and how the customer pays.
> They smile to each other but not at us then glide off like swans
> while he turns to John, to me, and as we watch them
> climb the stairs I’m grateful we can’t see their eyes.
>
> Bob
>
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