Hi Ryfkah,
I liked this. Very simple but effective, and the opening two lines in
particular paint a nice picture, if you'll excuse the pun.
Maybe one too many "boy" in there? Three times in a short poem jarred a bit.
Good read though.
Regards,
Matt
-----Original Message-----
From: Ryfkah * [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: 08 March 2004 00:33
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: New: One Last Night
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One Last Night
Lapis lazuli heaven
Van Gough starry night
The moon stares round
eyed at the boy and girl
kissing near the lily pond
Frogs leap in shadow
A feral cat plays hide 'n seek
Heat lightning zig zags east
The boy is off to war
where bombs burst
the night and boys and girls die
A lone wolf wails
Ryfkah 3/7/04
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