Dear Sirrus,

Assuming that the double-spacing is not intentional, the way to avoid it is
only to cut and paste from plain text (.txt) files and not from word
processor files (e.g. .doc files)

Best
Roger


----- Original Message -----
From: "grasshopper" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Monday, March 08, 2004 1:40 AM
Subject: Re: New Sub: Memories of Life When Life was Alive


Dear Sirrus,
    I like the directness you used here, but as others have already said, I
think longer lines would work better. Also, I don't know if the
double-spacing is intentional, as strange things can happen in email
transmission, but personally, I don't like double-spacing -I think it gives
a false impression of the connection between lines. Just a few specific
points below:
Kind regards,
    grasshopper
  ----- Original Message -----
  From: Sirrus Poe
  Subject: [THE-WORKS] New Sub: Memories of Life When Life was Alive


  Hello all,

  I have been lurking for over a month now and finally had the time to join
in this unique way of work-shopping. Please feel free to give as harsh and
honest comments as you see fit.

  Thank you.

  Memories of Life When Life was Alive



  She is half hidden

  by the blue-tinted oak

  of the casket, but there

  for us to view one last time.



  Those in charge gave

  (Perhaps specifying who those in charge were, would make this line
stronger?)

  her burnt wine lips

  that are later cleaned -(I think that should be 'were cleaned'?)

  of color, only to be reapplied



  by a son that wants more life.

  (a son who wants more life)

  A contrast of living,

  she appears at peace, yet

  the hair is controlled,



  the whiteness of pearls smoothed

  back and parted. So neat,

  so wrong for her at this time

  when those gathered remember



  another face framed by quick strokes

  of a brush and never the glance

  of palpable wax to cover

  lips that shared



  a world no longer taking

  breath, no longer alive

  in the moment. They're history

  (I'm not sure what this 'they're' refers to....the mourners, the lips?)

  of films collecting dust

  (history of films seems oddly phrased, perhaps:

  history, films collecting dust?)



  in the basement, on a shelf,

  that will be forgotten with time.



  Sirrus