Hi Bob,
I think this is terrific, but I agree with Helen about the first sentence.
Too many commas even for my liking, and I'm overly fond of them!
That's a minor quibble though - I think it works very well and I can't stop
re-reading it.
Regards,
Matt
-----Original Message-----
From: Bob Cooper [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: 05 March 2004 18:36
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: When We're For Coffee
THIS EMAIL HAS BEEN SWEPT FOR VIRUSES BY THE NORTHCLIFFE GROUP MAILSWEEPER
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Here's one for some C & C:
When We're For Coffee
Middle-aged-Dave, who's my age, but the only one here
in white shirt, neatly knotted dark tie, has already told us all he thinks
about Grin & Blur It, as he calls the PM, education, then tax, but he isn't
offering his biscuits, and I'm looking out the window where, like yesterday,
I hope to see swans. I've heard they're vicious, they rush, they hiss, their
long wings can break an arm. I ought to take time to watch them more
closely. Now Ted's telling Mandy and Susie from the top floor how FCUK is
too crude a name for expensive T-Shirts and jeans, that beautiful things
should be discreet, and the cost of heating the office is so much more than
a jacket and a sweater with the firm's logo, and how the customer pays. They
smile to each other but not at us then glide off like swans while he turns
to John, to me, and as we watch them climb the stairs I'm grateful we can't
see their eyes.
Bob
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