Hi Maryann,
I like the poem where it's detailing all the things of the past a lot. It's
got the simplicity of language that lets me find the fun that I sense lies
beyond the words.
But, as the poem moves into the present, the words are, I feel, saying too
much about feelings (in the last 4 lines) and I'd prefer it if the line with
your heart in wasn't there - and perhaps some other visual thing... I'm
wondering if you could mention something like how intently you
stared/watched and that implies longing rather than you having to tell us
about it. Know what I mean?
Bob
>From: Maryann Hazen Stearns <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New Sub: Magical Powers
>Date: Tue, 2 Mar 2004 06:55:43 -0800
>
>Words between ** are supposed to be in italics. :)
>
>~*~
>
>Magical Powers
>
>
>You used to think you could go away
>by closing your eyes,
>that if you couldn't see,
>you couldn't be seen.
>
>We let you believe it.
>We would stand right next to you,
>call your name through cupped hands,
>wonder aloud when you'd come home
>for dinner, then act surprised to see you
>when you took your hands
>from over your eyes.
>
>We'd say, *Oh! There you are!*
>And give you a big hug and you'd
>be so pleased that you were able
>to trick us with your magical powers.
>
>Now I come to see you here,
>your eyes are closed.
>I hold your hand and whisper
>over and over into your ear,
>*Please come home, please come home*
>and I believe with all my heart
>that someday your eyes will open,
>and you will come home
>and surprise us again.
>
>~*~
>
>Cheerwell, Mary :O)
>
>=====
>Good Cheer & Be Well,
> Maryann Hazen Stearns
>
>"Under The Limbo Stick" http://www.geocities.com/Faerhart/
>
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