Hi grassy,
I like the erudition of the patient in this poem. I guess using a sonnet for
the thoughts also creates a sense of composure, of cleverness. The
light-heartedness of the language, too, disarms me as a reader as much as it
is intended to decieve the doctor.
The ending, with the mention of "the voices" shows the sinister side and
makes me realise how much the serious side of the illness has yet to be
realised by the patient. I like the way I don't discover that to the end -
it makes me realise that I'm often decieved (by myself or others) into not
really realising what's going on between myself and somebody else.
I felt the words "you clown" ain't too contemporary - or they'd never get
said by anyone I know! But that's a quibble, they don't stand out as awkward
- they just feel too neat, too polite...
However, that slight comment on one side, I like the poem.
Bob
>From: grasshopper <[log in to unmask]>
>Reply-To: The Pennine Poetry Works <[log in to unmask]>
>To: [log in to unmask]
>Subject: New sub: Multi-tracking
>Date: Sun, 29 Feb 2004 20:46:45 -0000
>
> Multi-tracking
>
>
>Professor Dwight is bright, all smiles today;
>I sharpen up my ears like Mr Spock's.
>He likes smiles. Grin, you fool! the voices say.
>Don't mention mother-ships or talking clocks.
>
>Professor Dwight enquires about my dreams.
>Last night I rode on fiery doves with God.
>Don't tell him that, you nut! I hear the screams.
>"I don't dream much", I lie. I smile and nod.
>
>Professor Dwight is writing in his book.
>I try to read the letters upside down.
>Don't act like that, the voices say don't look.
>The shrink could lock you up for good, you clown!
>
>He asks about my medication. "Well,
>quite good." I nod. More crap! the voices yell.
>
> grasshopper
>
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